office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize