now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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