I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
