I can tuck mytits in my pants
im drinking this country out of the recession.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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