you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
