If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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