he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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