I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
