dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
