I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
