It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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