In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
