wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize