I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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