Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
