complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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