I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
