dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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