I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
