I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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