anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
