Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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