hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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