he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
