last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
