if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize