yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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