I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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