i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
