omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
