no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize