I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
