Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
