I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
