So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
