It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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