I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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