i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
