He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
