i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
whose parrot is this?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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