so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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