We're facebook friends in real life
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
