I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
