You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
