im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
