there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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