Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
