Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
