seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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