I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I supernannyed him into submission
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
