are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
