well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
