someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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