somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
