this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
