so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
