just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
