plz talk dirty to me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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