Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
