that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
