i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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