dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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