3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
