Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
