Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
